When COVID Strikes Home

These last few weeks have been an emotional storm as COVID-19 struck my relatives and parents. My mom had been sick for four or five days before she was taken to the hospital, where she remained for 12 days. 

Today is day 17. She is now at home recovering, but very tired with little energy. Despite everything, she is back to her positive, smiling self. 

My mom had extreme flu-like symptoms, massive body pain and aches, and trouble breathing. At her worst, the hospital had her on oxygen. She didn't need a ventilator and she never lost her sense of taste or smell. My dad, on the other hand, stayed at home with mild symptoms. He did tell Karl that he wasn't able to taste his food.

Because my parents are in Canada, everything will be covered by their medical plans. Thank God! In the early days, I not only worried about my mom’s health, but I worried about the medical bills. Being in the States, we think about the medical system a lot. My medical plan is tied to my job. If I lose my job, I will have to figure out how to get health insurance. Health insurance is expensive and ranges in coverage. This is one reason why people with low or no income don't have good healthcare. One step toward equality would be to provide excellent healthcare to everyone!

Here are some things I learned through this ordeal and how to support a loved one from afar.

Get on the List

The first few days, while my mom was in the hospital, were scary and it was hard for us to get very much information about her condition. My dad was the only person the hospital would release information to, and for medical reasons, one of us kids should have been on that list too. 

Because we were unprepared for this, we never talked about how we can get medical information about my parents from doctors and specialists, if needed. Talk about this with your parents before anything happens, especially if your parents are “mature”. :-)

Communicate with Loved Ones

My mom is the center of communication with family members. Because of her, we know what’s going on with her side of the family in Zimbabwe, Zambia, England, Australia, New Zealand, and other places. My mom was vid chatting way before most people I know. I remember complaining about her wanting to do vid chats with me and thinking it was weird. I can still remember early family vid chats where we would spend an hour looking at ourselves, making funny faces, and laughing our heads off. Of course, we still do that, but now vid chats in bed without makeup are the norm. I'm thankful to have been able to talk with family face to face during this time, especially my sis.

The thing is, when mom went into the hospital, I wasn’t sure who to call or what to do. I worked with my siblings and close family members to piece together a communication list and I updated my Google contacts along the way. We started a WhatsApp channel to share updates on my mom and family passed on well wishes, prayers, gifs, pictures, and lots of love. 

We used WhatsApp because it is free and it is widely used in many countries outside of the US and Canada. But, there are other ways to create a communication channel, for example, you could use email or FaceBook, or apps like CaringBridge. My sister, Karl, and I were the administrators so we could add people to the list. This was great because each of us had access to different people. Be sure to give other people admin access to add or remove people from the group so it doesn’t fall onto one person’s shoulders.

Toward the end of my mom's hospital visit, the nurse asked us if we wanted to FaceTime with her. I didn't even know that was possible. Definitely, something to ask about if you have a loved one in the hospital. 

Let People Help

So many people love my mom and dad. Over the years, they’ve helped so many people and have given generously from their hearts. They’ve always been independent and done things themselves. This was an opportunity for us to step in. 

Thanks to the generosity of family and friends, bringing meals, picking up packages, cleaning the home, etc., we were able to figure out some immediate things we needed to do. My sister flew out to Vancouver from the east coast of Canada to take care of my dad and quarantine with him while my mom was in the hospital. We are so incredibly grateful.

Make a Plan

My mom is my dad’s caregiver for various reasons. As a family, we’ve talked about my dad and how to support him. But, I’ve never talked to my mom or siblings about what happens if she is unavailable to care for my dad. How did we miss that discussion, especially since all three of us kids don’t live close by?

Ok, this is tough, but there is so much peace and freedom in talking about the things that need to be taken care of. Peace of mind, not only for my parents but all of us who love them.

Over the next few weeks, as we work with doctors and figure out how long it is going to take my mom to return to “normal”, we’ll talk about what care my parents need and how to provide it.

Care for Yourself

Lastly, I leaned on Karl and my friends to help me process my emotions. I've learned that I need to trust others to support me, just as I support them when they need it. Having people in your life with whom you can be yourself makes life rich and fulfilling. It also builds deep, meaningful relationships.

Knowing how to take care of yourself when you are under stress is important. Here are some things Karl and I do: Go for a walk, do yoga with Michelle in Isla Mujeres, write, watch a movie or read a book that takes you away, take a bath while listening to a meditation on YouTube, bake or cook, study Spanish, have a vid chat with my sister, watch funny animal videos, dream about the next vacation I’m going to take when this pandemic is over...anything to give your mind a break. Karl also likes to play his guitar, go for a solo ride on the motorcycle, and play video games.

Thank you family and friends for all your loving support. I wish you much peace and good health during the holidays and the upcoming new year. Please stay safe!