You Are Not Your Hair

I began last week with finally getting my hair “done.” I hadn’t seen my hair goddess since, I don’t know, last year? Yet once again, I agonized over whether to leave the color completely alone or continue to get some highlights to break up the gray. A few days before the appointment, in a gathering with our “quaranteam,” I heard various unsolicited suggestions of what I should do. One girlfriend said she loved how the color had grown out and that I should leave it. That’s one for Team Gray. Another friend said I should dye my hair dark. One for Team “Get Rid of the Gray.” This is my same friend who years ago offered to pay for me to get rid of the gray. We’re old friends so I can take his comments. For the record, I have no problem telling him what he can do with his money AND advice. :-)

I admit, even after deciding many years ago to embrace the gray, occasionally I still waffle between loving and disliking it. Sometimes I feel like I’m way too young to have gray hair, but too old to pretend I don’t have any. I’m probably about 60% gray now. The struggle for me is not how it looks or feels on the outside...it is completely on the inside. I keep telling myself that am NOT my gray hair.

Wearing a mask in public recently made me think about how you only see half a person’s face. While you can’t always tell if a person is smiling, if you look a person in the eyes you can see some emotion. Have you ever noticed how many people don’t look you in the eyes when you clink glasses? Eyes, eyes, eyes! You know what else you see in the eyes? Whether the person has had enough sleep, ate too much salt, or is dehydrated. I feel like the hairline is more pronounced too. During this season of staying home, I’ve been growing out my hair and taking measures to keep my fine, straight hair healthy. But, I have gray roots. The bottom of my hair, which you don’t notice with the mask, fades and blends to various shades of brown. With the mouth hidden, you lose vital information that helps you interpret what a person is really feeling, thinking, or saying. The parts you see are not giving you the complete picture.

Let me tell you something, you are NOT your hair, your skin, a body part, your clothing, or anything people see on the outside. The whole you is so much more interesting, vibrant, and incredible!

I heard a song many years ago by India Arie, a beautiful and amazing American soul and R&B singer/songwriter, that touched my core. It was at a time when I was struggling with low self image and she reminded me that there is more to a person than what’s on the outside. When I was little, I didn’t actually know my African mom’s skin color was different from most people around us, including my Dad’s. She was just my mom...and the most beautiful woman in the world. I’ve asked her if she experienced any racism in Canada and I’m so thankful and happy for her that she didn’t. It is heartbreaking that this isn’t the case for so many people. 

I can always color my gray hair, but what about the things I can’t change (and why should I have to), what then? I still get people commenting on my gray hair...some like it, some don’t. But, I don’t care. I’m doing me! I believe I am valuable and important, and I see others that way too. And yeah, I still want to look my best, but I find I’m most happy when I express MY creativity and MY personality. This is when you see the real me.

Song by India Arie - American soul and R&B Songwriter/Singer

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=E_5jIt0f5Z4
...
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations
I am the soul that lives within

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Does the way I wear my hair make me a better person?
Does the way I wear my hair make me a better friend?
Does the way I wear my hair determine my integrity?
I am expressing my creativity