Gotta Have a Thermometer

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Just before we got the official word to work from home because of COVID-19, we, like everyone else, stocked up on food and supplies for 14 days in case we couldn’t go to the stores.

Karl thought we should replace the digital thermometer in our first aid kit in case we needed to test ourselves for fever. Turns out the thermometer wasn’t working. Good idea.

Five weeks ago, like toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and bidets, thermometers were hard to come by. Fortunately, Karl found one on Amazon. It was cheap, but delivery would take three weeks. He snagged it.

When it finally arrived, like crazy people cooped up too long, we ripped open the package and shoved it under my tongue. We waited 10 seconds and pulled it out. The temperature wasn’t right. It was way too low.

“My turn, my turn,” Karl seemed to say as he immediately stuck the thermometer in his mouth.

We could see the number on the display increasing. We waited 10 seconds. Same thing. No beep. No indication it was done like our old thermometer, and again, the temperature was too low. Looks like we got a dud.

We grabbed the packaging to see if there were any instructions. Nothing obvious. Wait...there at the bottom in small print it says to wait 60 seconds. What? I’d be drooling all over the place if I did that.

At about the same time, Karl and I realized that our thermometer was also a rectal thermometer. And like little kids that just heard a bad word for the first time, we burst out laughing. The idea of having a thermometer in your butt for 60 seconds seemed ridiculous. I do a 30-second plank pose every day and that 30 seconds sometimes feels like forever!

Nope, not for us. I want a 10-second thermometer. Or better yet, an ear thermometer like the ones they use at the doctor’s office.

Take care, everyone. Stay safe and physically distanced.

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