Gray is the New Black

A few weekends ago, a girlfriend from Vancouver, Canada came to visit with her family. I've known this friend for almost 28 years; We met just after we graduated from university. It's neat because both she and her husband are the same age as Karl and I and our friendship has stood the test of time through the many different seasons and challenges of life.

We, all four of us, are on the cusp of turning 50. And so, as the boys chatted about aging, so too did us, girls. And it was refreshing...and helpful. We talked about going gray and dealing with wrinkles. We shared our fears of being marginalized as we get older and discussed how to change our attitudes about aging. It was positive and I felt like I wasn't alone.

Truth is, I see more and more women embracing their gray hair, and I love it. I started letting "the wisdom" (as my hairstylist calls it) out about 5 years ago and have never regretted it. I want to share what I've learned about going gray in the hopes that it helps one person who is considering this option.

1. Love Yourself

If you base how you feel on how you see yourself in a mirror, it's going to be rough as you see more and more gray hairs appear. Bolster your self-esteem by learning to love yourself unconditionally for who you are and not what you look like! Start today. Tell yourself you are beautiful and powerful and strong every time you look in the mirror and focus on those parts of you that you like rather than your perceived deficiencies. There are plenty of things you can do to improve your self-esteem, just do a search online.

2. Take Care of Your Hair 

I had been coloring my hair since I was 21, so the decision to stop dyeing my hair was incredibly liberating. Imagine never having to worry about roots ever again! However, you still have to take care of your hair if I want to look polished and put together. About a year ago, a lady complimented me on my multi-colored gray hair while in line at a grocery store. When I confessed to her that my hairstylist keeps my hair looking good, she replied, "Yeah, of course, you don't want to look like you don't care."  True, I don't want to look like I let myself go. But, I do need some help because my gray hair is different than my brown hair. It does its own thing. For some, gray hair is coarse, wiry, and unmanageable. Talk to your stylist or look online for products that tame and condition your mane. I want my hair to be soft and healthy, regardless of the color.

3. Go Gradually

I see plenty of pictures online of women growing out their gray. Kudos. For me, I didn't want the two-tone look, gray at the top and dark brown at the bottom, so I asked my stylist to help me transition. Over the years, she has weaved in different highlights and low lights as well as darker pieces near my face where the gray is "whitest" and looks harsh against my skin. She even put silver and gold tinsel in my hair last winter. The silver tinsel in the gray patches looked neat. This is the perfect compromise for me because I feel too young to be completely gray.

4. Add Some Color

Add some color to your face and wardrobe. Gray or white hair can look shocking at first, especially right next to your face. It can also make your face look washed out and pale. Don't be afraid to change up your makeup or wardrobe. With gray hair, you might find that other colors that you don't normally wear, look good on you. Go get a makeover at your local beauty counter or add some new pieces to your wardrobe. If you have a friend who is good with makeup or fashion, then ask your friend for help...I do!

5. Reread #1 Above

Remember how I said to love yourself and bolster your self-esteem? Well, the people around you might not be ready for you to go gray. I've heard plenty of stories where loved ones had asked their wife, coworker, or friend to please color their hair. It is up to you to decide if that is a good reason to do so. Maybe it is, and that's great. My girlfriend from Vancouver, who has a few strands of gray in her jet black hair, was approached by a younger female coworker who not only told her that she had too young a face to have gray hair but actually cupped her face in her hands while saying it. My friend said the pressure at work to look a certain way is very strong. The younger females seemed to all have long eyelashes and picture-perfect makeup. Yes, that would be hard. I shared with her my own story where one of my male friends told me that he thought I was attractive, but I should color my hair and that he would pay for it. Because we are good friends and we had been "celebrating", I felt free to tell him where he could shove his money and opinions, and then we laughed our heads off. His comment didn't bother me because I am going gray for me and I like it. Of course, my husband thinks it is great and is my biggest cheerleader, so I admit that his support means the world to me. But, my point is that if you are choosing to go gray, know your reasons so you can hold the course if someone in your circle doesn't like it. Some people are going to be uncomfortable with it. Whatever the reason, expect it and prepare for it.

Going gray doesn't have to be scary. It's a choice and one that you can certainly change with the wave of your stylist's hand and the stroke of a brush. Good luck!